#26/365; Torn.

I’m torn between being strong and breaking down.

I think we all have a license to breakdown once in a while. And for a very long while now, I’ve been bombarded with flashbacks of memories that I’ve been trying so hard to suppress from my thoughts. I’m hiding it from everybody else because they seem petty and embarrassing compared to what everybody else is going through. It just hurts to have to go through them again in my mind.

It’s too much. I don’t want to go through this anymore. At least when I’m consumed with things that I have to do, I forget. But every waking moment that I’m idle or I’m not thinking of work, the flashbacks creep up and it’s making me want to cry.

:'(

#26/365; Once is enough. Twice is too much. Thrice is torture.

#16/365; Thanks to you, I’m not myself. I’m all strung out, that much is clear.

#15/365; Unplugged.

I forgot my iTouch today and I thought I’d go insane. It dawned on me that I rely too much on my iTouch for music and entertainment. But then again it gets too boring during breaks without it. Also, people tend to get a little introverted in the classroom; so without it, I’m left with no one to talk to and no choice but to doodle on my notebook until my seatmate gets back from her smoking break. Not having my iTouch annoys me so much because without my music, my mind races with too much thoughts that only ends up getting me depressed. I’m never leaving my iTouch ever again. Neverrrrrr again.

Oh and I just confirmed with my MMPRFOL professor that I’ll be the secretary for our class this term. With Annuale: Multimedia Arts Festival 2013, Multimedia Awards and Proj1 (thesis) happening all at the same time, it’s going to be one hell of a crazy term. And it’s only the second week of classes. This is going to be so interesting.

Last.

S H E R L O C K’s 3rd season finale. DAMN. JUST, DAMN.

#14/365; Sunday, fun day.

Yesterday was a very crazy day–family wise. We went to Papa’s (Dad’s Uncle) house in Makati to visit and I found out he’ll be celebrating his 90th in March. That’s so cool! I’m pretty sure we’ll have a party for him by then. His old age is making him funnier by the minute but it’s also sad that he keeps on forgetting us and his own children :(

After lunch at Papa’s, we went to UERM to visit my Aunt who got admitted because of a benign Meningioma on her brain. She collapsed and had seizures on the way to the hospital and I can’t imagine how terrified and scared Mikey (her son, my cousin) could’ve been when he found her and when they rushed her. Thank God, when we got to the hospital, she’s already awake and in a chipper mood. She seemed like she’s back to normal. Though they told us that when she woke up the other day, she kept asking why she was in the hospital and she keeps forgetting who already visited her. She can’t remember the what happened in the past 3-5 days too. Probably because she’s under heavy medication.

It’s sad but I’m really happy that she’s checking out of the hospital today. I think she’ll undergo surgery for her meningioma in a month’s time. She’ll get through it I’m sure but I’m still gonna rally for prayers for her and for Papa as well. Please pray for them guys. I’d be very grateful for it.

All those depressing stories aside, seeing Lola Linda again is probably the highlight of yesterday. She’s my Mom’s aunt and she’s slightly deaf now because of her old age. She’s too adorable, I swear. The hospital room yesterday was too noisy because we all have to make our voices loud for Lola to hear so she could go along with the conversation. She also has this mannerism where she’ll say “yes” to everything because she’s assuming that most of the questions directed to her are answerable by yes or no.

There was another grandma yesterday in the hospital and lola and her were talking to each other in a normal tone. Turns out, they were talking about very different things. They could’nt hear each other properly! Oh god Lola I love you! There were so many other stories about Grandma and her fails but I guess that’s for another post ;)

G’nite!

#12/365; She’s got broken things where her heart should be ✖

#12/365; One.

It’s been a long time since I last had an actual blog and frankly, I don’t have any idea of what to write. This is all Joana’s fault! Just kidding :)) Please bear with me as I ramble randomly in this intro post.

First, I do miss blogging and writing (and ranting!) about random stuff. Mostly I do that when I’m too excited or too depressed and tired. I have somewhat extreme moods sometimes. But don’t worry, I’m not bipolar. I can control my emotions very well but having a blog will probably help more with the mood control. Anyway, my last blog was a Livejournal. We had a two year relationship and it was a friends-only blog. Only a few friends can actually read it and I had to screen every request–some of them were spam! Ugh. This is probably the 3587452th time that I’m opening a blog and I’m really hoping that this new one will last a little bit longer.

Second, I’m pretty sure that everyone around me, specially my very close friends would agree with me when I say that, I’m very talkative. VERY. But now that I’m living with my parents again, there are certain things that I have to be mum about. So yay for you wordpress, I actually trust you more than my parents. LOL. Just kidding! They give me money, duh. I have to be biased. Sorry :P

So I pretty much rambled through my first post. G’nite!