She loves him.
She loves him like the night enveloping the whole city with it’s cool and dark passion.
She loves him so much, it hurts to breathe, to speak and to move.
She loves him so much that she can only cry herself to sleep because everything else is too painful.
She loves him so much, her love pushed him away.

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I still do.

It’s true what they say, you can lose some things in a blink of an eye if you don’t treasure them dearly and wisely. It still hurts. That moment when you said “would you please just let me go?!” I was crushed. I know it crushed you, too. And I know you’re trying to play the bad guy but I know it was all my fault. It plays in my head over and over again until I fall asleep with tears running down my face and eventually drying.

Maybe I should’ve been more patient.
Maybe I should’ve been more sensitive.
Maybe I should’ve been more understanding.
Maybe I should’ve been a better listener.
Maybe I should’ve been less selfish.
Maybe, maybe if I did those things, I wouldn’t have lost you.

I was so frustrated and blinded by my own feelings that I forgot to put yours in consideration… and now you’re gone.

I miss you so much. I miss you so much, it’s killing me. I miss our Kanto walks, I miss us sending random things that would make us smile on our chat. I miss waking up to your puffy face. I miss when you would annoy me while we’re doing laundry. I miss your presence. I miss everything.

I still love you.

To you

I know you’re going through a lot right now and I’m probably not helping with all the drama I’m causing, but, I want you to know that I love you, the happy, the mad, the humorous, the confused, you.

I’m only like this because I love you and I’m scared that with every passing day that we’re not communicating, adds to the distance and fear that I feel. I know what I said (from even our last fights) hurt you deeply. The moment those words left my lips I knew that I couldn’t act fast enough to retract them. Your reaction was justified. If someone whom I cared about had said such things to me, I would have reacted the same way. “I’m sorry” doesn’t seem to be adequate. I wish I knew how to say it better. I don’t think I have ever been so disappointed in myself.

I’m sorry for all the hurt I’ve caused you and I regret the things I’ve done. I don’t want to lose the only man I’ve ever loved because of my petty attitude.

But, I need you to understand, I’ve never been this intensely in love with someone else. I don’t know how to handle my thoughts and my emotions. I need your understanding and help.

I know sorry’s not enough because I’m such a screw up. For whatever its worth I wanted to say, that you cross my mind every single day…

The thought of you makes me smile, and I know our love was real, so I’m writing you this letter so that you know how I truly feel.

What I really want to say is that I’m sorry, I know that you didn’t deserve to be hurt like that, neither of us does. I’m sooo SORRY for everything I’ve done, so all I have to say is that I love you and I’m so sooo sorry :(

#46/366: 2016

Yes, I know. We’re already 2 months in and I’m only writing now. But, I have the perfect excuse and the perfect reason: I’ve been really busy. I’ve always been, but, 2015 was exceptionally crazy!

For one, I’m not in Warner anymore! As much as I would’ve wanted to stay, the pay I’m getting from being a temp staff isn’t enough to cover my very bum lavish (whaat lol) lifestyle. But worry not, I got into a great company, so everything isn’t so bad. Nothing is bad when my new company gives me new stuff to play with *insert very evil laugh* and makes me work (hard–hi boss!) at home! I’m kinda living the dream, but kinda not. I’m not making a lot of great sense. Lol.

But, you read that right! I sometimes work from the comfort of my own house–very reason why my ass is getting very fat. I digress, I’ll detail the pros and cons of that next time. But even if I get to work from my bed, I also have a loooot of meetings–which drains me so much–but it’s fun to see the sun every other day.

Anyway 2015 was crazy, why?

2015 was the year I got to eat the most expensive meal I have ever eaten. Ever. EVER. E V E R. Did I say, EVER?

For international artists, eating a $1140 meal would probably be normal, but for me, a mere mortal and not a commoner, that’s already a new laptop bruh. Yeah, I got to eat the most expensive meal with the company of MLTR–if you don’t know who they are, you’re too young homie.

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 Damn. We all look so small next to Daniel. Damn.

These Tito’s call me their “Wifi Girl” because they think my golden–and very badly bleached–hair brings forth free wifi. I kid, but simply put, I have my pocket wifi everywhere I go and them uncles likes their free wifi as much as that hipster kid who’s holed up in Starbucks for the past 8 hours. I think I just described myself.

A few weeks after that, Charlie Puth came to town and we got to handle his touring show in Manila. It was crazy and I think the whole thing got me to shed a few pounds because as much as I’m also their Wifi Girl, I’m also in charge of the crazy press conference and program for his main show–which ended up in a whole world of disaster. I kid you not. Not Charlie’s fault though. Let’s just blame a guy with T.W. initials.

Charlie also kept on insisting that Nina (my officemate then) and I were twins so that kept him very pre-occupied over dinner. I also ended up sitting with the guys during dinner and got to know Tyler, Nick and Asaf–Charlie’s band–a little better. They’re really nice guys!

Tyler also told me that this was his 5th time in the Philippines! Most of the time though they were in checked in at Manila Hotel so he only got to a few places nearby. This tour was particularly a little strict with security because TW is being extra paranoid. Seriously, our jobs were also on the line. If anything happens to Charlie on our clock, our heads would be on a stick in a matter of seconds. But, it’s all good. The band got to rest for a few days.

I realised then that even if Charlie seems mature in the limelight, he’s really just a boy. It was nice seeing that part of him. He takes a little more time than the others to warm up to people but when he does, let’s just say he’s a bit different up close. People would like him more.

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Actually missing this guy!!

Anyway those were the highlights from last year.

Ciao!

#278/365; Um.

As much as I want to be very productive this weekend, I am stuck in the condo with a high fever and period cramps. I am every man’s worst nightmare right now. So far, I have managed to feed my self useless instant noodle crap, some canned meatloaf and sausage. I can’t go down to the store in the lobby because moving too much hurts my joints and my cramps burns like it’s being grilled in the pits of hell.

I’m sorry, I was supposed to blog about how I won a whole box of Friskies cat food from Cat’s of Manila and how the Year-End Count went but my period-devil took over me. Lol.

So yeah, I just wanted ya’ll to know that I’m still alive despite everything. HAHAHA.

#238/365; Paradise.

So I went to a paradise over the weekend and told no one about it. I had to sneak out for the long weekend and celebrate by my self. Of course I wasn’t entirely alone, I met up with my friend because I had nowhere else to stay and I really didn’t have enough money to spend on a hotel room. Being with a familiar person on a very unfamiliar place is nice and comforting.

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Managing to cross ‘Traveling alone‘ off my bucket-list also was a wild feeling. I’d like to go back there on a longer vacation and really experience the place. I can’t really say anything more because I might give away where I was over the weekend and my parents will kill me if they find out.

My wild side is on a high and it’s a good feeling.

#230/365; Orange.

Well, it was supposed to be blonde. I’m good with this though. I would’ve wanted a louder color but they might kill me in the office. LOL. I feel a big weight was lifted off me when I finished my PROJ1 so I decided to be a little wild and dyed my hair over the weekend. I feel nice and fulfilled!

#226/365; PlaylistMe Activation Event: DLSU

Today was our first run for promotions of our PlaylistMe Playlist at De La Salle University and I gotta say it was a blast. I really had fun. It’s also my first official event since I’ve started working for our company and even though technology may have failed us from time to time during our event with the wifi going from turtle to snail–it worked out in the end. The people who dropped by loved the shirts we were giving away and our other freebies.

Got to sit in on Aya and my school’s Alumni Association director’s meeting in my campus and I gotta say that was pretty great. I’m glad I got to experience these kinds of stuff.