When I was a kid (I can’t say ‘little’ since I never really grew that much. Haha.), I had a group of friends that I thought would last forever. But I guess as we grew older and went to different high schools and colleges, we started drifting apart. Now after a few years, I bumped into one of my childhood crushes in our street last Sunday night. I can’t say who but he isn’t in my group. He’s a bit older and he had a different set of friends in the village but he’s definitely connected to us.
I bumped into him as I was about to buy something in the store and there I noticed that he looked so… old and tired. But I know that he’s still in his early 20’s so I thought that maybe it was stress from work. We exchanged a few hello’s and how are you’s and as I was paying, he said that he’ll walk me home. I was giddy inside, to be really frank. Hey it’s not every night that some one gets to walk me home. Plus he’s my crush :))
He asked me about college, my course and generally about life. We talked so much about me that I almost forgot to ask about him. We sat down on the gutter in front of my house and I decided to ask about him. He had that bittersweet emotion on his face when he started saying stuff about family, school and friends, but as he revealed about his son, his face became soft, carefree and happy.
To tell the truth, I was startled when he started talking about his son. I wasn’t ready to hear him say that, because I guess, to me, he’s still that cute 16y/o that I’ve been crushing on since forever. But as his stories go deeper and more serious, the more I realize that he’s still trying to cope with everything. He started telling me stuff about his life after his son was born and how hard it is to take care of his “wife” and son; how he’s so envious of the people around his age being free of this responsibility. He loves his son. He’s very sure of that, but he also wanted a free life, well maybe for a few more years before having a kid but what else can he do?
I wanted to comfort him but I don’t know how. It’s not like someone’s always spilling their guts to me in this kind of way. So I really don’t know how to react. He decided to trust me and I know my hug will never be enough to show him my support and all but at the same time in my mind, I wanted to slap him and yell that he should’ve known better. But who am I to do such thing? I feel like a bad friend.
I know that he knows better now. And hopefully this isn’t the first and last time we’ll talk. No, it’s not because I still have a slight crush on him (haha), but because it sure seems like he needs someone to just listen to him. Maybe someday I’ll have the courage to smack some sense to him–or maybe just tap some. Hurting him wouldn’t really do justice to this whole thing ;)